While you may find this hard to believe, I was not always the awesome, wonderful person you know today. Oh, sure, “back in the day” I was fairly awesome and I was pretty wonderful at times; however I was also young, insecure, totally into myself and not always the most thoughtful person. I think this describes the majority of 20-somethings, though some handle those tough finding-myself-at-your-expense years better than others. Alas, I was not one of them. In my quest to discover who I was and who I wanted to be I failed many people and burned many bridges. I hurt people who cared about me. I was dishonest at times, just to get what I wanted. I was selfish. I was young.
I look back with regret on the friendships I have lost; some of them were substantial and one was the most substantial of all. I’ve tried to move forward as a better person, and to some extent I’ve succeeded. I’m not perfect and I have many lessons to learn before I’m done. but losing some of the most important people in my life made me realize that living selfish and in-the-moment is not as fulfilling as living selfless and for the present (and the future).
It’s been over 10 years since I’ve spoken with my best friend from those days. (She’s in the pic of me above, but I cropped her out–I would never post someone’s pic without consent.) She’d had enough of me during my divorce from my first husband (that’s a story for a different post). I guess she got tired of my behavior, and I can’t say that I blame her. Of course, there’s a part of me that thinks if you are truly a friend you stick it out, for better or for worse. I’d like to say that I would have, but who knows. I was a bit of a selfish bitch 15 years ago and maybe I’d have had enough of me as well.
15 years later, I still think of her. Not every day, but often enough that she’s usually very present in my mind. I dream about her a lot too, which is kind of odd (and all you perverts out there can sod off–they’re not those kinds of dreams 😆 ). Since moving to FL four years ago I’ve often toyed with the idea of trying to get in touch with her. I’ve even gone so far as Googling her and attempting to find her on Facebook and other networking sites. All to no avail.
Then, one sunny September day I received a Facebook message from another old, dear friend that I thought I had lost long ago (we have reconnected via Facebook) asking if I wanted to get together when I was visiting Denver. I was thrilled, and we set a date for lunch. Little did I know how much that lunch would turn out to mean to me.
I’m going to leave you in suspense here. I didn’t realize how long this post had become. Look for part 2 in the next couple of days.