It’s also very interesting to see how Chris and I have influenced him, and his vocabulary. We never really talked to him like he was a baby or a child, which is evidenced by his use and understanding of words and terms well beyond his age. This can be a great thing, but every coin has two sides, and many words have multiple meanings. And it can often be amusing to hear Zachary’s definitions of words he thinks he knows.

A perfect example came from a Goosebumps book he was reading the other day. I randomly have him read out loud a few pages of the various books he reads to check his comprehension, and he came across the sentence “The window was framed by large, black, ominous shutters.” I made him stop there, because I was sure the word “ominous” was going to trip him up. As it turned out, however, I was wrong. He very clearly defined ominous as “scary and evil”, which, while technically defined as “…foreboding or foreshadowing evil…”, Zachary obviously got the point.

No, ominous did not trip him up at all–but he still had an odd look on his face, like he didn’t quite understand the sentence. After a moment of thought I realized the word that was causing him problems was “framed”, so I asked him if he knew what that word meant. He told me he did, but he didn’t understand what it had to do with a window. Now it was my turn to look perplexed, and I asked him to tell me what the word “framed” meant, to which he replied, “That’s when someone tries to get you into trouble by blaming you for something that you didn’t do. So what would someone be blaming a window for, anyway?”

Priceless. My 7-year old doesn’t equate “framed” with enclosing something, like a picture or a window; no, he understands the nefarious act of falsely accusing someone of something. Where did I go wrong? (That’s a rhetorical question. Heh, one of these days I’ll write a post about that word.)

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices last night. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant.. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now……………..

He did get it right the other night, though! Here is Zachary’s first, official joke:

Q: Why did the rubber chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

If that doesn’t make you laugh you must be dead. He says he just made it up and I’m inclined to believe him. He’s been trying for months!

On a side note, why would I write about auto air conditioning in December? I wouldn’t.

During our window shopping on Black Friday, the boys were so good. We spent about 2 hours at IKEA. At the end of the “experience,” while looking at a picture of a tree alone in a field of snow, Chris asked Zachary what he thought of the picture. Zachary’s reply was “It makes me sad. He’s all alone. He doesn’t have any tree mates!” What an empathetic little guy. Then in the car, we asked him how Jonah was doing (they had just been given some juice and crackers). Zachary’s response was “He’s as content as a lobster.” Of course that was funny and I had to know why he used a lobster for his analogy. I was told “Lobsters can be content, mommy.” I guess he told me.

Cut to this morning. We’re snuggling in bed, trying to sneak in a few more zzz’s. The cat, however, wanted to be fed. As a result he was walking back and forth between us. Zachary muttered “The cat almost stepped on my tentacles!” Of course I thought this was pretty funny and I had to explain to Zachary that the words was actually testicles. He giggled and with a heavy, 5-year old sigh said, “I should’ve just said balls.“

The good news is that my regular readers who don’t necessarily agree with my views can come back in a few weeks, when I stop (maybe) posting the funny (to me) political stuff I find. 🙂

Good stuff, Eh?

Post your caption for Z’s masterpiece in the comments!