The Cat Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices last night. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant.. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now……………..
Oh my God. This made my whole morning! I swear this is exactly how Unagi thinks! Thanks for the giggle!
I’m glad you enjoyed. Your plurk about Unagi waking you up early on Friday was my inspiration.
This is hilarious!! So glad I saw this! I have added you to my reader! AWESOME!!
Thanks Topsurf! I’m honored.
I have 3 dogs and this just cracked me up. I have blogs for them on dogster.com. Did you know there is also a catster.com? Your humor was so great it made my day! So, I went and blogged about how fun your blog was! Nice work!
What a compliment, Thank you! I’m heading over there now…
isn’t he gorgeous, sufffering his ennui with such panache! i couldn’t help it- i just had to!
http://shindigdada.com/press/web-bettys-prisoner/
shindigdada´s last blog ..Custom Pop Art Portraits for You.